Matt’s Holiday Erotica: Naughty but Nice

Hopefully you had as much fun reading our article on Thanksgiving-themed erotica as I had writing it.  But as we march on into this twelfth month of 2018, we’re still missing a little something before closing out our year.  While an engaging Thanksgiving story was a unique find to add to our erotica library, Christmas smut is a concept nearly as old as the written word itself. With thousands of titles available for a holiday hay-roll, we chose one nearly at random to see what it had to offer.

Naughty but Nice” by Kenny Wright was billed as a “short” story with a slick looking cover and enough promise for a quick punchy thrill-ride to pique our interest. In this brief yule tale we’re from the point of view of a professional photographer we (eventually) learn is named Dan. As with any gig based job skill, Dan relies heavily on his holiday seasonal job of taking photos of children with Santa…in a mall…while wearing an elf suit. Silly ass costumes aside, massive respect where it’s due: this is a male lead in an erotic story where the guy has to bust his ass for a paycheck. He’s not a billionaire with a harem, not a wine mogul chasing models, not even a lawyer that gets to screw his clients, Dan is a damn GRINDER! Anyway, Dan and his merry men of elves and Santas are getting through the Christmas Eve slog when suddenly Dan is captivated by a stunning blue eyed mom who seems oddly familiar. After giving this alluring figure’s child a perfect Christmas experience in Santa’s village, events soon transpire to where we’re learning just a little more than we expected about the true meaning of Christmas…

Remember last time when I mentioned that nerdy characteristics were being mildly exploited for the purposes of making the leads identifiable? In the case of Naughty but Nice not only is it exploited, it’s shoved so far down our throats that we’re probably expected to call it daddy afterwards. While the main characters are flirting about which canonical elf ears were best suited to “Arwen” in comparison to a bog standard North Pole elf, I had to take 3 minutes of my evening to google who the hell that even was!! Look, ok, I’m not into Elves, sexually I mean. I never had a Zelda poster, and Liv Tyler, well I’m sure she was a fine actor in Lord of the Rings. Clearly, my fantasies were not being played to in this one, and that’s ok. At the very least, I got to learn a little more about Liv Tyler, and connect the family tree branches from Todd Rundgren to Aerosmith.

Normally, this is the part of the review where we talk about how the sex is written, and I make some sort of wild generalization about a subsection of people. However with the short length of this story, it only feels like I’d be reviewing a scene of internet pornography. It was plenty steamy, and some of the author’s word choices for anatomy were almost comical (the use of “nether lips” was a personal favorite). But once the characters have their moment..it’s over. We’re left to wonder and explore in our minds what might become of these people after their passionate romance. On its face this might be fine, but consider this is after being fed a large amount of personal information about the main characters in the first half of the story! If this story were a meal, it would be like having a side salad before skipping right through to dessert…and I’m still left wanting that big hefty steak!

Rating: For the money, you can’t go wrong with enjoying this exciting little XXX-mas themed story, but don’t expect Santa to make all your wishes come true this year…because his elves are too busy fucking.

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