My New Roommate | Matt’s Smut Vault

Welcome back to America’s favorite (and possibly only) Smut Vault! There’s a sub genre that’s just now being brought to my attention with the release of today’s book: “New Adult.” What the actual fuck does that even mean? Is there a discernible difference between this and “old” adult? They keep telling me millennials fuck different than generations gone by, so I guess we need modern steamy literature to also run alongside. While I can’t make the claim that today’s selection will be exclusively about eating plenty of ass and Tide Pods, I’m not one to turn down a new story from the legendary Rich “Dick” Rubin, either. Let’s see what crazy adventures he sets us off on today, armed with a new sub genre and not an ounce of shame! Strap in, it’s the first “new adult” edition of THE VAULT.

My New Roommate by Rich Rubin is a first-person perspective romantic erotica that opens with the most tragic of breakups. Our main character Tyler comes home to find a simple note on his kitchen table. His girlfriend Nicole has left and frozen him or with the thinnest of explanations, and her best friend April will be moving in soon to cover her portion of the lease. You want to feel for Tyler; his heart is broken, but there’s barely a moment of reflection before we learn what he’s really about.

After the standard introductions of Tyler and April, coupled with the smallest amount of backstory to what brought them to this moment, Tyler goes off the fucking deep end. After a single moment of sadness and vulnerability, Tyler makes it his personal cause to nothing but a complete cock to April. I’m already beating this into the ground, but I can’t stress enough how much Tyler is being a bad person here, to the point of being nearly criminal. Blackmail nudes, quid pro quo, and the thinnest of consent for whatever sexual favors Tyler feels necessary to exploit out of April. Tyler’s only non-fuckhead moments come through his out of the house interactions with his friends, most notably the spunky and cool Lauren. I needed to make sure I soaked up as many good vibes as possible when Tyler was out of the house, as only to slightly cushion the dread for his next fuckboi moment. Thankfully, retribution is eventually doled out (if only in small doses). For one, Tyler gets the shit kicked out of him by Lauren after a misunderstanding at a bar (I’m in love now) but more importantly with his reaction to an even bigger douchebag.

The novel’s “big moment” comes at a beach bonfire attended by nearly all the introduced characters and few extras for some scene dressing. Tyler finally realizes the errors of his ways when another party goer starts snatching bikini tops in the weirdest attempt to appear macho. It finally clicks that Tyler is wrong about his actions concerning April, but this epiphany has to be delivered by a man that not only has to be high as a Georgia Pine, but with an internal faculty so deranged that it could be used as a solid criminal defense on Law & Order. I didn’t learn any good marriage skills from O.J. Simpson, so maybe Tyler could try a little harder going forward with this new “respect for women” angle. The novel’s climax is interesting, and there’s quite honestly no way the reader would have seen most elements of it coming. With all the factors at play, the novel will keep you guessing, if only for its batshit crazy notions to relationships and the challenges therein.

Verdict: My New Roommate by Rich Rubin is an unintentional paranormal romance, given the moniker only by the other-worldly actions by a great deal of its primary characters. While we’re in the head of the main character for the story’s duration, his justifications and motivations make me wish I was somewhere else than this deranged interpretation of adult relationships. The author is still VERY entertaining in the execution, and his refusal to follow the traditional romance norms should be commended for their unique qualities. Think of it as an online role play where the players all forget they’re inside a simulation. Make sure we keep these characters locked up tight in our handheld devices, because the real world’s not quite ready for them yet.

Special thanks to Rich Rubin for providing an Advance Review Copy of My New Roommate to TehBen.com. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
Author’s Twitter: @dickrubin14094
Purchase Link: Amazon

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