Syracuse Dreams | Life Without a Fastball

Last time on Life Without a Fastball, Zippy DaChemlow was making fast friends and ditching Tim Tebow on his way to AAA Syracuse. Higher talent, and higher difficulty awaits us while Zippy still gets caught off guard by basic baseball procedure, this should be fun!

I never learned the “duck” button.

Zippy DaChemlow takes in the crisp cold air of Syracuse and aims to learn as much as he can about the town before meeting his new team. Employing a large orange uhhh bear, he thinks, that greeted him off the bus from Binghamton, Zippy learns about dental chairs, poured concrete stadiums, and the longest running State Fair in the United States. Clearly Zippy has a lot to live up to, and looks to make his new town proud before duly heading to the far less interesting New York City.

Zippy greeted at the bus depot.

AAA ball for a pitcher like Zippy means hitters will be even more selective, and at the time were were approaching the Hall of Fame difficulty. Worse still, when changing teams most of our friends/bros were left behind so we’re missing valuable bonus points to the infield and to Zippy’s confidence levels. While not Walter Johnson, Zippy was still very effective with plenty of wins and an ERA under 2.00. A solid win total and despite joining the Syracuse team mid season Zippy was leading the team in most key pitching stats. Seems like the only real trouble ahead for our lanky hero was learning how to run.

Pitching was starting to feel like a foregone conclusion, so the real challenge left was to fielding and hitting. Up in the International league we were getting a lot more at bats, and as the game player I haven’t actually taken many turns at-bat in the The Show 20 either. My cluelessness certainly helps with Zippy’s character, and using Ty Cobb’s batting stance makes the 6’10” skinny freak look even more out of place. That being said, Zippy was clearly enjoying himself at the bat, and could even be counted on for a good sacrifice bunt. To date, Zippy had never thought about anything more than his Screw/Curve/Knuckle rotation. That is, until he got his first chance to swing away as a pure hitter…

Zippy’s life changes forever.

Being a National League prospect is all Zippy every could have wanted. Had he known how fun batting was, maybe he’d have chosen a different position when emerging from is boyhood aboard the USS Jimmy Carter. Going into the 2021 season Zippy even took a pay cut to make his Mets happy. Maybe Zippy took $30,000 for the year to show his commitment to the Mets…maybe Zippy never learned how to negotiate. Either way, Zippy DaChemlow found a new way to play the game he never knew he’d love. Happy as could be, Zippy strolls into the manager’s office thinking it might be time to punch his ticket to the Big Apple. His face falls to the floor as he hears the news…

Zippy informed of his trade to the American League Angels.

Can Zippy DaChemlow handle all his newfound dreams swiftly crushed as he moves to a DH only league? Approaching Legend difficulty with no “Friend” advantages might kill this journey before it even gets truly started. Check back with us as Zippy heads out west and tries to find a new direction. Zippy boards the plane to LA, favorite new bat in hand…wondering if he’ll ever get to swing it again.

One for the road…

Follow Matt on Twitter for more post pandemic baseball analysis, soda recommendations and spicy hot takes on snack foods.

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