My Personal Las Vegas Museum!


Recently, a cheap plastic valve on our dishwasher decided to go on a labor strike, resulting in flooded floors and leaving the ceiling in my room utterly wrecked. Unfortunately, this damage occurred directly above my little riser where I set up my shrine of fun mementos I’ve acquired over the course of awesome adventures.

I had to relocate my Las Vegas Museum temporarily so I could stab holes in the drywall to get all the water out. As I moved all this stuff out of harm’s way, these items still managed to put a giant smile on my face despite the swath of destruction that surrounded me.

So I thought I would share some of these items with you, because they mean so much to me. And I’ve got nothing better to do, since I’m staying upstairs since my room now smells like wet plaster and cats.

  Item #1: Booze Footballs from Mermaid’s!


For cheap thrills, there’s no better place to get your economic drink on than at Mermaid’s. Located on Fremont Street, they still utilize slot machines that use real coins and give the genuine feel for what gambling was like 15 years ago. For 20 bucks, you can get a tasty Everclear Slurpee that will get you absolutely obliterated while you try to find something to wipe your blackened coin-stained hands on. The beads are from Mermaid’s too, they hand them to people at the entrance. This casino is great little dive, even if they aren’t the Fremont casino that has that swimming pool encased around an actual shark tank.

Item #2: Cheap Coffee Thing and Sleazy Shot Glasses!


There are at least 40 Las Vegas gift shops per casino on the strip. All of them offer gifts of varying quality and I got these on one of my crazier weekend drives to Sin City. In the middle of July. With a dying air conditioner. That was a pretty brutal trip, as temperatures got up to 115 degrees during the day. I still haven’t used any of these items for their intended purposes because of all the scary labeling on the back saying stuff about cancer and California.

Item #3: Half of a Romeo and Julieta Cigar!


On the Greatest Trip, both of us were on a winning streak, and it’s always good form to keep the streak of good luck alive by buying $40 dollar cigars to puff on as you down shots of bourbon and continue to put fifteen bucks on black 4. When you have a cigar, a stiff drink, and Kenny Loggins comes on over the P.A., you are virtually unstoppable.

This was a good cigar, but it was pretty intense and was pissing off people at the table so I put it back in it’s cigar condom, and then I got drunk and forgot I had it.

Item #4: Random Roulette Chips!


If you are crafty, you can weasel some of the roulette chips from the tables and keep them. Casinos get annoyed when these unique chips leave the table, but they aren’t going to notice a couple missing after they take that giant pile of chips off the board and stuff them down that big collector thing.

Item #5: Bottle of Jamison!


As we continued to acquire black chips, we decided to also hit the liquor in celebration. In retrospect, we really did drink too much that evening. This was the last thing we ingested that night after we were blessed enough to find our way back to the hotel. There still is a couple shots left in it, but I will never drink them as they are obviously possessed by a puke demon.

Item #6: Room Key From The Room We Barfed All Over!


After we managed to get back to the room using this key, I slept in the shower and Pat slept halfway on one of the beds. We both woke up in giant pools of puke with massive hangovers. This key reminds me of that fateful night, and not nearly tipping the cleaning crew enough for all the gallons of stomach lining they had to wipe up.

On a side note, I never noticed that my room key had some beefcake’s dick on it.

Item #7: Program From Michael Jackson’s ONE!


The last night we were in Vegas on that trip, we managed to salvage enough cash after heavy losses to see a show. This was a great end to an amazing journey. I can’t stress enough how good this spectacle was. This program cost 20 bucks, but that still felt like a steal after purchasing tickets for 150 dollars. She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son.

Hopefully soon, (after this tax return refund) I can manage to make it out there again for even more fun and plenty more new additions to my collection.

Las Vegas. Land of dreams, occasional wins, and uncontrollable vomiting.

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