How to Get All April Fools’ up in Your Christmas

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I love playing jokes on people. Not so much the online internet bully kinds of jokes, but I like to make anyone crazy in real life when I see an opportunity. Now that my April Fools is ruined from this point on, I actively choose to make up for that by pretending that ANY day can be April Fools. I did this awesome prank last week, and unfortunately, I WAS NOT ROLLING CAMERAS AT THE TIME. If I was, I would be swimming around in all that sweet, sweet YouTube money right now. But I’m just posting this to show you that a great joke can be played on anyone, at any moment, as long as you are quick and crafty at making up a good story on the fly.

I ordered a handmade lamp from Thailand, and it took over two months to make it from across the sea to my doorstep. When it finally arrived, I got this text from Mizz Teh Ben:

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I don’t know why I thought of that at that moment, but for such a simple gift I decided I would make it into a gift for me. I texted her a few more times telling her to not shake the box and put it somewhere quiet and out of direct light.

I almost told her not to feed them after midnight, but that would have definitely spoiled my ruse.

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“Pffft…..amateur….”

When I got home, I hurriedly searched for my box of “exotic animals”. Once I found it (in a cool and quiet area, no less), I cornered her in a spot on the landing where there was no easy escape. As an added bonus, her kids crowded around us in a state of curiosity.

I love an audience.

Me: “Ok, you promise you didn’t make these things mad, right?”

Her: “Shut up about that bug thing. I know you’re lying!”

Me: “I’m SO PISSED that Amazon didn’t ship me that terrarium yet. Where the hell am I going to keep these things??”

Her: “You’re kidding, right? RIGHT?!”

Me: “Nope. I saw these on a YouTube video and they are fucking crazy. They scream every time you poke them. It’s a noise that will haunt your dreams.”

Her: “Uh…gross. Stay away.”

Me: “Ok, you guys, be quiet. I’m gonna open this up and they really hate being startled. They are about as big as those mice you’d feed to a snake.”

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Thank you, UPS for providing a completely believable prop as well

So I proceeded to slowly open it up carefully with my keys. I peeled back the top flap box and carefully peered in.

Me: “One…two…three…four!!! I got a free one!” I whispered.

She just looked at me with terror on her face.

Me:”Shhhh…..listen! One of them is alive.”

I then proceeded to Criss Angel this show and pulled one hand behind my back and I scratched my fingernail across my belt making a soft but weird noise.

Me: “Awwwww….Really! These wings are huge tho. Look! So gross!”

Her: “Hell. No. Get away from me!”

Me: “OH NO YOU’VE STARTLED THEM!!!!! AAAIIIIIIEEEEEE!!!! THEY ARE GETTING AWAY!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!”

Then I threw the box at her. My memory is fuzzy since I think I got hit in the head with a frying pan after that. I just know everyone around me was screaming and laughing hysterically.

The Christmas Miracle of 2016: I turned a lamp into a box of Malaysian Screaming Cockroaches.

Happy Holidays from all of us at tehben.com!

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