Fuck ISIS: A dating sim for 2018


As reported by TMW among others, there’s an attention grabbing new Kickstarter campaign by a company out of Chicago calling themselves “Immigrant Father Studios.” The Kickstarter campaign involves the creation and distribution of a new video game. The title of this presumed masterpiece? Fuck ISIS: The Super Patriotic Dating Sim. This game, if funded, puts the player in the role of a hot, young, “sort-of-71st-virgin,” tabbed by the CIA to infiltrate ISIS…by any means necessary. I can only assume that means through backdoor financial records and document trailing, but who knows.

The CIA’s new division on “wet work,” so to speak.

At first glance of the Kickstarter page, it’s clear that a game like this is trying to poke fun at the hangups and stereotypes of a horrible group of people. Sure, turning an uptight (and murderous) bunch of squares into objectified sex bois could be good for a giggle or two. But what IS the actual point of a “Meet’N’Fuck’N’Kill simulator” like this? What sort of ground are we going to cover for the required $42,069 (THE WEED AND SEX NUMBERS, Y’ALL) of funding?

The flag is sex toys for MAXIMUM EDGE

If you have any experience with shameless fucking dating sims you’ll know that most games of this ilk present themselves with a tongue in cheek approach and a heaping helping of satire. But while trying to get to third base with a WWII tank or a cat is one thing, I’m frankly having trouble seeing how the over the top sexualizing of a global terror organization can be well met by even the most pitch black senses of humor. The Kickstarter page takes pains to describe how the companies’ founder is looking to satirically point out the perception some Americans have about people from the Middle East…while making sure we ALSO understand that sexual pleasure for a woman isn’t always derived from vaginal penetration. We’re all over the fucking road here, chaps. Actually, no. I’m being too kind here…this idea is fucking shit. The more it tries to stand for something, the shakier the ground it’s perched on becomes. Attempting to have a fun crazy sex adventure that at the same time makes a sharp commentary on the sweeping generalizations of millions of people makes both sides of the idea turn to shit. Lollipop Chainsaw looks at this game and thinks its trying too hard. Is this even real? Am I being Waltered?

“Casual Sex and beheadings.” THAT’LL BE $50,000 PLEASE!

While using an agreeable, head-nodding political ideology to help produce and sell video games is a very 2018 concept, that appears to be the only thing Fuck ISIS has going for it. We’re not talking about any genre bending mechanics, or experiencing a fresh idea in gaming. Hell, we’re not even reliving a classic concept. Coming up with a tasteless setting idea for what might be a 50 grand Adobe Flash style game? That’s the easy part.

So maybe this game doesn’t get enough money to see the light of day. To help find some closure, allow me to submit a few alternatives for the next go-round. The Cards Against Humanity crowd both past and present have my full permission to use any of the following ideas:

Sweet Dreamz: Bill Cosby Dating Sim

Stiff as a Board in the Coma Ward

Redpill Romance: Alt-Right Dating Sim

Stars’N’Bars’N’My Cousin Mark: A Deep South Dating Sim

True Gentleman/White Knight: The Incel Dating Sim

Please run with these ideas before Sean Hannity or Tucker Carlson catch wind of this campaign and ruin everything. Thank you, and God speed.

Follow Matt on Twitter before he’s reassigned by the CIA

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s