50 MONKEYS, 50 TYPEWRITERS

It takes a lot of talent and a lot of effort to run a site of this magnitude. Sometimes it’s a little too overwhelming and I need some help to keep this monument to Thundercats hentai alive.

Let’s meet some of this talent!

MJBurroughs

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Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Matt and I write this from the great state of Maryland, in a picturesque community just off the coast of the Atlantic. By day I’m but a simple 9-5 office monkey, but by night I morph into a crude curator of dick jokes and ethically questionable erotic literature. From early 2018 I was a proud writer for PopLurker.com and made some great friends writing reviews and think pieces for the west coast nerd community.

The truth of the matter: I’m fucking stoked to get right back on the horse and start producing delicious, organic, free-range #content for a new website. From me you can expect great big doses of video games, off-color humor, and 9/11 conspiracy theories healthy discourse on current events. As for credentials: I have a Bachelor’s Degree in factory production, I’ve seen all the good episodes of The Simpsons, and I achieved the “good ending” for each of the characters in the Quantic Dream PS3 classic Heavy Rain on the first try.

TehBen (the man behind the name)

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Howdy do! My name’s Teh Ben and I’m a Colorado kid who is fills out the top of every resume I fill out with “retired punk rock god”. I promise that I have absolutely no relation to that right wing turd hobbit Ben Shapiro. I’m pretty annoyed about his sudden rise to fame mostly because it messes up people using Google to find me. Like Matt up there, I also work a day job which takes a toll on my spirit and makes me a just a little more dead inside each day.

In my spare time I like to draw comics, write articles, tell stories, and cover small children in acrylic paint and then throw them at giant canvases. My newest collection of original kidprints have yet to be featured in any legitimate art shows.

I have a soft spot for music, motorcycling, and cars. While I love the idea of watching movies, I have a really hard time staying awake so I usually break up a 2 hour film into 17 tiny bits, which is also the reason I can’t detect any underlying thematic elements. I also play and enjoy video games, but I’m clearly in a state of gamer decline as I cannot clear the first level of Color a Dinosaur without throwing my controller in a rage. My favorite games right now are EVO: The Search For Eden (SNES) and MLB The Show 20 on PS4. I’ve also never met an alcoholic drink I didn’t like.

Nelson Rockingham

In West Philadelphia, born and raised, on a playground is where I spent most of my days…

Sike! No, unfortunately the lizard person behind Nelson Rockingham is not the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, nor is he Will Smith. Reality is often more disappointing than we imagine. I also hail from the eastern region of Maryland, home to crabcakes and THE BEST GODDAMN STATE FLAG IN THE UNION! I have a blue collar job that keeps me from living off the dole. In my spare time, I enjoy computer and console video games, sports, piña coladas, and getting caught in the rain. I was more-or-less roped into this after a few high-quality shitposts on Matt’s and he inferred that I might have some talent as a writer. Time (and site traffic data) will tell but it’s already been more interesting than I anticipated, so let ‘r’ rip!

Addendum: My dick jokes are totes better than theirs.

Jenn Coulter

As a self proclaimed “crunchy ass weebgod”, Jenn loves anything and everything anime! Hailing from the Garden State, Jenn understands the value of a good spray tan. When she’s feeling rebellious, she knows the best pumps where she can go and pump her own fuckin’ gas. When not detailing the variety of anime eyebrows in modern anime or writing love letters to Cibo Matto, Jenn is regularly updating her own site, animehellzone.wordpress.com with plenty of fresh and entertaining content.

Jenn has been known to carefully tread inside our very own Smut Vault, and willingly volunteers to be our very own Robot Chicken as we force her to watch some of the worst B-movies ever made!

Deb Broadwater

As the newest member of the team, Deb specializes in her knowledge and diehard fandom of all things NASCAR related. If it goes fast or boom, there’s a pretty good chance Deb has something to do with it. Deb is also a seasoned reader and gets giddy when picking up any sort of book that crosses her path. As far as the “weird stuff” about Deb, her favorite animals are cows and I’m not sure if that is a love based on genuine admiration of these majestic creatures or just their tasty flavor.

When not writing about NASCAR on the internet, her dog Oakley and her cat Geno (you named your cat after a cheesesteak??) are usually never in the same room whenever she’s yelling colorful language loudly at her favorite drivers on TV.

Annabel Lee

Annabel is a lover of death, destruction, chaos, and kink. There’s a lot going on here, and hopefully if you follow her you also have a thing for My Chemical Romance. She’s as tough as they come, and has no problem being tied up or tied down. Annabel is a shiny as a knife, and as bitey as a serrated sword. You’re likely to find her somewhere in a filthy dark back alley reading Poe. But not that one Poe band from the 90’s, they were total posers!

***

I’m always open to new talent and blood, and if you think you have some newer, better dick jokes than us, feel free to send your resume to the email below! (Note: Please do not send me any more dick pics)

You can try to get a hold of me by reaching out to my ghost on facebook, https://www.facebook.com/teh.ben

You can email me directly at greenlantern311@yahoo.com

It’s time to get this old roller coaster creaking along again!

Enjoy the ride!

2 comments

  1. Aloha
    I’m a musician that has been around for a while .

    Made music with a bunch of people you may have heard of , but more importantly you guys seem like very anti middle management as it gets I love when people work on stuff they really dig !!

    I live in Hawaii
    So I love my life right now it’s truly a magical place the volcano has a way of owning your soul .

    Anyway have a great day !
    If you would like to contact me
    808-226-5159

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